One would think that I'd be enough pain as it is after being rejected by all local universities despite working the hardest (this is seriously not an understatement I promise you and in no way am I belittling the efforts of all the other candidates) but no, she makes everything about herself. she self- proclaims having it the hardest cos OH YES she was the one who prepared and sat through the exams. I cannot put my agony into words but I hope I am understood by someone out there. It's getting so hard to get through each day, knowing that my years of education has boiled down to not being good enough to enter a local uni. If my own flesh and blood does not see my pain, I doubt anyone else bothers. No doubt, I am blessed with the most outstanding group of friends and I dont know how I would have survived my college days without them but sometimes, I just want some encouragement and praises from her. is that such an unspeakable thing to wish for?
time heals, they say but that is absolute rubbish. time gives you the opportunity to bury it, never forgetting it and if you're reminded of it, it hits you like a crashing wave, over and over again. each time, you drown but still, you struggle to stay alive and the cycle repeats itself. it never ends does it?
sometimes I wish I'll just drown. then, the pain stops, the feeling of no being good enough is eliminated and hopefully then, I dont feel anything. what a haven that'd be huh?